Saturday, July 31, 2004
day II - electric boogaloo as it stands, it is going to be a long month here.
i judge a country by their restrooms. i have become a xenophobe and that
it's not all bad. don't get me wrong. i've found a starbucks with a
t-mobile wireless hotspot. it's not all bad. it's closed now, and i felt
like being alone, so i'm at an internet cafe around the corner from the
claire, the person whose apartment we're renting, is insanely sweet and
helpful. i'm not that nice to people i *know* who visit me from out of
town and she's just wonderful and gracious.
it's also nice that it gets dark here really, really late. that's good
for me. if it were winter, i'd be dead by now.
i'm looking forward to performing.
we saw the "theater" today. it's in this courtyard of an old, old
building. (it's europe, everything's old!) it's a prefab trailer with
about 50-75 seats. comfy seats and a perfect area for our little show. it
is so small and initmate that it's going to be great, great, great. as
long as it's not hot in there.
the square where our theater is located is a sort of hub where there are
a bunch of other theaters. claire said that it is packed during the
festival and that's good for us because we can "flyer" everyone there and
get them to come to our little shoe.
we walked through an enormous park today, which is across from our
apartment (my room looks out over the park) and found a store wot sells
adapters for u.s. stuff. we're using three computers in the show so i
the ipod plug is all nuts because it's a "cool design" and i had to tape
it to the fucking adapter. fucking apple.
so i have all my music and crap and i'm reading "saying yes" by jacob
sullum which is making me want to experiment with drugs. maybe the book
is a gateway drug. ideas are gateway drugs? hmm...
it's hot here. actually hot. and i hope it stays that way.
i can't believe how much i miss my wife. i keep thinking that i've left
something at home and it's my wife. man, i miss her. man oh man. i get
teary writing that and the people at this internet cafe don't need to see
Sleep sleep Woke up at 3pm today. I have no idea why.
Went to the local pub with our hosts. Deciphering "english" is fun. I
had my standard club sodas with lime. Knowing nods from the locals.
I left the pub about 2am and went for a walk around the area. Found an
area that was an orgy of drunkeness and vomiting. Found a place and got
some pizza. Came home. One of the people here loaned me an adaptor.
Charged the ipod. Fell asleep to simon y garfunkel.
It's not raining. I think I'm going to go skating.
Friday, July 30, 2004
Big horkin' room I have a huge room in a huge place across the street from a park. I
brought my rollerblades, so it's possible I won't return as a fat fuck.
The other reason is the food. Victor and I walked around after getting
here and I found a place that I thought might be like a falafel place.
It was a sort of raw chicken thing.
Maybe I'll lose weight from that. Dunno. I hope not.
Claire, our host is a delight. There are two other people in the flat.
Simon, has a thick scottish brogue and we can't understand a fucking
word he says. It's funny. It is realy funny. For now.
Claire's flat has broadband and I'm able to hook up here.
Tomorrow, we'll get the lay of the land and I'll find an adapter for all
of my electronics shit. I also hope to find a couple of places to eat.
There *is* a Subway, but I'd rather not be a complete xenophobe.
Provenz' arrives Sunday and he says he's fixed the script.
Victor has a huge room with a nice view of some trees and other
buildings. It's really big. This is a huge place.
Our cab driver was insane and that was perfect and cool. There was a
little problem because of the dollars vs. pounds thing but I was able to
find an ATM. So. That's that.
Now I'm tired. It's 11pm here. It's not 11pm in my head but I'm tired. I
think I'll go to sleep now.
Rock on, fuckers.
If there's a bustle in your Heathrow... Friday July 30, 2004 - heathrow airport
We're almost here. Does that make sense? After the hell that was getting
out of l.a. with the phone and me just generally going nuts, we're just
waiting to get to scotland.
The flight was fairly uneventful. I switched seats with a man who wanted
to sit next to his wife. I'd had a window seat, so I couldn't lean up
against it to sleep, but the good news is I sat next to a cranky german
man whose wife coughed all the time and he had the worst breath in the
world. The worst thing you could do around me is have shitty breath.
Then I'll hate you. forever. It's difficult to bounce back if you have
bad breath around me.
Everybody gots they gris gris.
I took a vicodin before we got on the flight. Then once we lifted off I
took another pill. I believe it was a valium. I had my headphones on
with the ipod set to shuffle, so I slept soundly, occasionally waking up
to the Frogs. I would laugh and go back to sleep.
It's warm here. This may be the last time that I write that sentence.
It's 77 farenheit. It is 8am in my head. But it's 4pm where I am so it's
4pm. Our flight departs in one hour.
i gots the tired. I'm glad to be here.
The equivelant of the tsa here seem polite because they have those cute
British accents. Maybe if the tsa hired brits in the u.s. I wouldn't
want to kill them so much. Yes, I said kill the tsa. Hmmm. See you in
the gulag, comrade.
I brought my bass. I'll be playing with the PC Cowboys. I don't know who
they are. I know they need a bassist. Maybe it'll work out. Provenz'
says it's good cross promotion.
I'm bleary from no sleep and drugs.
Coincidentaly, I'm reading "saying yes" by jacob sullum. Smart people
rule. So far the thing I've learned is from him exploding the gateway
drug myth. Saying that smoking pot leads to harder drug use is like
saying that tattoos lead to motorcycle riding. There is a crossover, but
it's hard to prove correlation. Perhaps people who like tattoos like
motorcycles. Something like that.
We're in the third world. Prove me wrong.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Unfuckingbelievable I've been playing phone tag with a sound editor for the last 3 weeks,
trying to get him to fix the sound on glutton falls. I was on with his
secretary. She said to wait for five minutes and he would call me back.
At four minutes, my nokia 3650 phone died. It died. It didn't run out of
power. It died. The way the two other nokia 3650 phones have died. The
big difference this time is that I leave tomorrow.
I went to the at&t store in burbank and it was fucking hell. The weasel
behind the counter was no help. They don't carry the 3650 anymore. Gee..
Why? Yet wouldn't give me a replacement. I had to buy a phone. But. I
have got to sync outlook with it and I have got to have international
service with it (fine problems to have... But doable...) the way my 3650
He put me on with support (ha!) at at&t. no help. No help at all. I
couldn't get an answer if they could get a replacement to me by
Fuckwad sold me a $350 phone. Brought it back home. No way to sync it.
Went back "you need a cable". Okay. "we don't carry it..." this is now
an unhelpful woman. I'm trying to explain to her that I will return the
phone. This shocks her. "you can buy a cable... Online..." I'm leaving
the country... "or circuit city..."
I went to circuit city.
Came back. Returned the phone.
Jessie's car is dead. I took her to work. Went to the studio city at&t
store. Nice guy there, finally. Helped me immensely. Still had to buy an
expensive phone I can't afford to be buying now. Assured it would sync
with outlook. Got it home. No way to sync with outlook except for a
cable and $75 software.
Called him. He was gone. They put me on with at&t tech support. Hung up.
Called back, nearly in tears... They got the guy in the parking lot. He
got on the phone. Figured out the phone I needed.
Went back to at&t store in studio city.
Waited for 1/2 hour while the guy ahead of me asked every question about
a cell phone there could be "hey, why are there only 10 digits on a
phone?" shit like that.
Got the new phone. And a cable. I'd brought my laptop with me. Set it
up. Phone has infrared just the way the 3650 has. Synced all my contacts
no problem. Can't get it to sync anything else except one recurring
calendar event reminding me to put my dog's flea stuff on.
Victor's car broke down, too. The cab will have to pick him up, too.
I hate everyone and everything. This is a shitty day. A shitty
motherfucking day. I did no work on spamscam. I am out of my mind with
stress. Motherfuck. Motherfucking fuck fuck.
I'm supposed to get a color picture to jon keyes because the article
runs this Sunday. Okay. Sure.
What's funny about this is the fact that we're stressing out just so the
plane can land in the atlantic ocean.
Mother fuck that will be funny.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Holy fuck I'm burning CD's with the phone call. Maybe we'll sell some. Then we can
buy food and beer for victor.
The interview with the Sunday Times comes out this week. I hope it sells
tickets. That would be neat-o keenballs.
The dry run at sacred fools was good. The person who owns the projector,
however, was under the impression that a usb cable would work with the
thing, so I made victor run and get the correct cable. That ate in to my
time to work with the fucking thing so there were some technical
glitches which didn't help things 'tall. The show was a bit long, but
the peoples seemed to enjoy it. At least they said they did. We got some
good comments, though we know most of what the problem is. That would
be: there are repeated beats. You can cut anything, really and no one
will miss anything, but there's nothing that is boring; it's all
interesting, but it can go on a bit long. There is a lull. We need to
get rid of the lull. I have no idea how the show is. I just want to get
over there and do it.
The theater was so hot and people were fanning themselves and that's
always not good to see. "they want to leave. They hate us. This is
stupid. What were we thinking?!?!"
It's that actor insecurity thing that is, perhaps, my most admirable
Worked on it with victor yesterday and made some cuts as we were going
through the thing.
Folks also said that it's nice when I step out and fill everyone in on
what's going on. Provenz' disagrees a bit and I'm not sure, but it does
seem that's a great way to compress time and also "charm" people a bit.
I'm cranky and stressed. I am going to miss jessie like there's no
tomorrow. Man. It's just bumming me out how long I'll be away from her.
This will be the longest we've been apart since we met. It's like
ripping a part of me.
I bought drugs for the flight. I want to hear "The captain has turned
off the... Welcome to London."
I'm bringing a box of power bars and a box of balance bars. I should buy
some smut or something. I got us an iPod which I'll be taking,
LOD's computer is too small. I guess I'll learn to deal with it. 6 more
cd's and that will be 80 or something. That's 3 cd's a show or
Man, I can't believe we're going. It doesn't seem real. Not one bit.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
One Week Holy balls! We leave in a week...
We're doing a dry run this Sunday at sacred fools to work out any kinks
and see how the audience likes it. I don't know how many people will
show up, but a couple will be fine. It would be best if there were 20 or
so. Ah well.
I still need to add the audio stuff; Internet Explorer and the phone
call. I think I can put those directly in to powerpoint, which turns out
to be pretty cool.
LOD loaned me another laptop. All I need now is an adapter for it, which
I ordered yesterday.
I'm in contact with the woman who owns the "flat" in Edinburgh. I'll
have to send off payment to her soon, as well.
Okay. I'm going to crap my pants.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Closing in Almost done with the script. I need to cut about a page. There is a
lull, but I think we'll be okay. I just don't know. We're hoping to get
in to the sacred fools space this Sunday a.m. to do a dry run with the
That, by the way, is pretty fucking cool. Must remember to take an extra
battery. It would be bad (bad and bad again) if it died in the middle of
This blog is working again, though the comments are sent to a different
directory and my /includes/ don't work.
I hate the internet. Did I mention that?
I did an interview with the Sunday Times and that was gear. Also got
good news from David Burns the killer publicist that we've been
preselling a good amount of tickets, and jon keyes sent me an email from
a dean cameron fan who wants to video tape the show.
Maybe he'll end up stalking and killing me and victor will have a
terrific show for the fringe next year!!!
That is all. I need to sleep.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Okay... Okay... I think I've got it. I really do. After futzing with this for however
long, I'm pretty sure I at least have the *structure* of the show
completed. The end should be great. We'll be sending more crap to my
gusty friends from south of the border...
Okay... Okay... I feel a weight lifted. We'll see. We shall see....
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Wind, sails and more.. Provenz' has left the country. I can't think. I want to do a page one
rewrite, but it seems daunting and overwhelming.
Victor and I read through the cut I'd made again. The canada section
will kill. It's okay. It's sort of okay. I don't know what the fuck to
I'm supposed to do an interview with someone from the london times. That
is fucking gear.
We'll see. I need to write this thing... Fuck.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Hell-o Provenz' is leaving the country. I'm on my own.
I'm in las vegas recording some stuff with penn for the talking book
version of his awesome novel "sock". I'm honored that he aksed me to do
it. I hope I don't fuck it up.
I'm hoping to get some time to carve through all of the spamscam
I'm also hoping that a million dollars will be mailed to me in large
bills over the course of one week.
I'm also hoping that my cock gets bigger and my wife develops an intense
interest in strippers and eating pussy.
So, I'll find some time to do some work on the script and have it done
before we head to bonnie ol' scotland.
I've started work on the powerpoint presentation. At least that's cool.
It's another program to hate.
Friday, July 09, 2004
rehassles We did a read-through of the new version. It's... lackluster at best.
The little details have been booted and replaced with story.
Always a bad idea. So, I will now be rewriting the thing from scratch,
it seems. Provenza has been a big help and victor is always great.
There's been a snafu with the apartment in edinburgh. Apparently we're
going to have two roommates. That sucks balls.
Jon may be able to get our original place back. Roommates you don't know
suck. In the bad way.
Or not. Maybe they'll turn out to be peachy. Or "gear" as they say in
Do they still say "gear"?
I guess I'll find out.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Carving Away Met with provenz' last night.
The apartment in Edinburgh is taken care of. There was some confusion
but that's all nifty now.
Talked about the script and gave him the edited phone call. He loved it,
I made some hardcopy cuts and now need to commit those to the script.
It's still too long...
logging what goes on before, during and after producing the two person show "Dean Cameron's Nigerian Spam Scam Scam" at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and beyond.