. dean cameron's nigerian spam scam scam!

Sunday, August 07, 2005
  And so it began.....h
Warning!!!If you are easily offended by full frontal male nudity or "dirty" words like "cock", then you should stop reading now. If you are my mother....well you're probably not too surprised. Also, if you are easily offended, don't go see "The Aristocrats". While there is no nudity in "The Aristocrats," there are quite a few colorful words in that brilliant documentary by Paul Provenza. If you're not easily offended, see it!

So it seemed like it was going to be a good night at "Spank," the late night comedy show imported from London. The venue was packed, the crowd was into it and the comedy was good. I was sipping on a beer having one of those rare moments, when I wished I still did comedy, so I could perform for this crowd. But, alas, those moments are too few and far between to motivate me. Brendon Byrnes (sp?) had just ripped the place up with his uncontrollable comedy and leaned over to ask me for a cigarette, when Leon said it was time for "One minute naked show promotion." You could come up on stage and promote your show for one minute, as long as you were naked. I figured, "Why the hell not, I've been naked for much less in the past," but my thought took too long, someone was already on stage taking his clothes off. I won't comment much about that, except to say that there was a lot of controversy once he took his pants off, as to whether on not he actually had a penis....nuff said. So, he sat down and I thought I'd missed my chance, but no they asked for someone else. I quickly stood up and walked onto stage. Leon (Dr. Aboyami, in the Spam Scam) looked surprised. Why wouldn't he be?

In "Spam Scam Scam," do to the nature of the show, I don't do anything outrageous. Most times, I don't even look at the audience directly or connect with them, until the very end of the show. And since Leon has never seen me in America, he has no idea that I'm notorious for "naked time" at Sacred Fools Theater, or that I convinced my sketch comedy group "PunchBelly" to do a show called "4 Naked Guys" where we actually walked through the audience to the stage naked, and did a little dance with "4 NKD GYS" written across out collective asses. So, of course, Leon was surprised.

I quickly took off all of my clothes, only pausing briefly on my boxers for dramtic effect. I walked up to the microphone and stood there watching the audience go crazy. This was awesome! I quickly rattled off the details of the show, abruptly stop, looked directly into a woman's eyes and said, "How you doin?" The crowd erupted with laughter. "You people don't know," I said, "I'll stand up here all night if you let me. In fact, I'll put my cock in your beer and stir it for you let me!" I wasn't necessarily serious when I said it, but I did realized from last year, that you'd best not say anything you weren't prepared to do, because someone will probably call your bluff. Sure enough, Brendon comes marching up on stage with a nearly full pint of beer. I promptly drop my nads in it, stirred it up, and handed it back to him. Not to be out done, Brendon walked to the edge of the stage held up his beer and took a big drink. The crowd lost it. Had I not been standing there naked with my member dripping of cold beer, I might have been a little grossed out, but as it was, I repeated the details of the show, grabbed my clothes and walked off stage.

I made my way back to the stage and Anil (Dr. Aboyami last year and good friend of Leon) grabbed me in a bear hug and whispered in my ear "You just became a legend." I said thank you, but doubted anyone would remember me in a few hours....I was wrong.

The next day I made my way to the venue at about 3 o'clock as normal and no fewer than five people said that they had heard about my exploits the previous night. Then David, our press agent, popped in and told me he heard about it as well. The thing that surprised me the most is that of all the people who have approached me about it, only 2 of them were actually there! Hey, if that's what it's going to take to get people to our show, then so be it. Let the naked times begin!

Skinny Black ManThis has been an offical message from The Skinny Black Man
Okay, Bictor, Bictor, it's time for you to come home. Preferrably with your pants ON!!!

You Know Who.

I just finished scratching my name off your birth certificate.

Have a nice life.

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logging what goes on before, during and after producing the two person show "Dean Cameron's Nigerian Spam Scam Scam" at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and beyond.

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