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mister snickers — Sun, 23 Jul 2006 04:50:00 +0000

scamming and shazaming in montreal

Great Audiences

mister snickers — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 05:45:00 +0000

i would have to say that our new mexico shows have been the best in the
history of spam scam. The audiences rule. they want to see the show. it's
not a hassle for them. i think they're used to seeing shows done by people
who love doing theater and aren't trying to get a tv show.

or i'm idealizing them and we're just a really great shoe and they've never
seen anything like it.

i doubt that, but man, they're great.

i totally beat the opening last night. and i just stopped and told the
truth. "i screwed this up so badly i can't get out of it and i've been doing
this show for almost three years. i am an idiot" and we just continued on.

it's been great fun though i am missing the bride.

plus, the theater company, tricklock, have actually organized this. we get
picked up on time. they stick to the schedule, they're happy that we're
here. it's really, really. cool.

i'm hoping it's like this in malaysia.

on that front, there's been a weird turn where the theater there is worried
about us upsetting the nigerian embassy, so we've changed the show to "The
Email Spam Scam Scam". You know malaysia has lots of censorship stuff going
on and there may be some difficulties with some of the muslim asides i make
in the script. it has to be approved by the government there.

and, you know, i don't mind.

it's their theater and their money and they know what's best and what works
best. the show is not about revolution... i mean, it's subversive and all
that stuff, but... so far there has been nothing i consider a compromise.

pick yer battles.

that's all.

loving it here.

we're in new mexico

mister snickers — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 08:32:00 +0000

i think the thornbirds played here a while ago. or was that arizona? i don't
remember.

anyway. got in at midnight. they picked me up. took me right over to the
venue. everything had been set up. we go the video controller hooked up. i
stumbled through the end. done.

you know. after "other experiences" with the show, i just expect
incompetence. it's so nice that these guys, the tricklock theater company,
are ON IT.

Man. Everything is perfect. I bet even Billy will be happy!

speaking of pro: http://gardnerandwife.com/06_spamscam.asp It looks like
we're actually going to Malaysia this April. Wow.

The theater here is big and nice and comfy and everything works. Should be
fun.

It's cold. Not crazy cold and not cold like you're in a foreign country so
you won't ever be warm again cold, but it's cold. Like it's winter in New
Mexico. That sort of cold.

Hmm...

I'm lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. there's an altitude situation.

Mister Snickers Has Stamps!!

mister snickers — Sat, 10 Dec 2005 08:15:00 +0000

http://www.cafepress.com/cp/prod.aspx?p=spamscam666.40541230

Yes, it's true. Congress has decided that Mister Snickers is worthy of his
own stamp.

These are real. You can actually mail stuff. Buy enough to send that check
off to Nigeria.

update to russian bride

mister snickers — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 21:25:00 +0000

http://bridespamscam.blogspot.com/

new scam - dean

mister snickers — Thu, 15 Sep 2005 00:58:00 +0000

http://bridespamscam.blogspot.com/

i'm hopeful that this will turn in to another show.

rock on!

aristocrats setlist - dean

mister snickers — Thu, 08 Sep 2005 23:11:00 +0000

This is the "setlist" we used for the performance of the Aristocrats at the Underbelly.

I referred to the woman as Joyce, but her name is actually Janice.

I think they're going to use the video as an easter egg on the Aristocrats DVD.

Oh my.

sacred fools - dean

mister snickers — Fri, 02 Sep 2005 02:10:00 +0000

due to the fact that i didn't plan well, we're going to cancel the
first weekend of the late night run at sacred fools.

we didn't promote it enough and, even though we did get a few ticket
sales, we figured it would be best for everyone concerned to just
compress it all in to one weekend.

So...

we'll be doing late night friday/saturday sept. 9 y 10 at the
beautiful Sacred Fools Theater & Casino, 660 N. Heliotrope, Los
Angeles, CA. Call 310-281-8337 to reserve tickets or you can buy 'em
online at www.sacredfools.org

it's probably the last time we perform this version. I'm going to make
some cuts and, perhaps, add the Russian Bride Scam that I've been
working on whilst in Edinburgh.

home - dean

mister snickers — Thu, 01 Sep 2005 20:37:00 +0000

back.

the usual crying and headaches and happiness to drive which will, of
course, change.

it's really comfortable here. man, it's so comfy. they may hate us,
but we sure are comfortable. man, it's sooo comfy.

the night before we left, we stayed with georgia y pete. everyone in
the flat smoked and i slept in a bed that reeked of stale cigarettes
as did the entire flat. i would wake up gagging from the stench.
horrible. horrible. horrible. nice to have somewhere to stay, of course, but the smell... yeesh.

our buddy, emma, was cool enough to take us to the airport. amazing of
her. she saved us a busload of money by doing that. i paid for her
meals a few times, but it still didn't match the value. really cool.

when we got on the plane in london, i switched my sim card back to my
u.s. phone and nearly started weeping. i'm such a fucking pussy. those
little things that are meaningless but mean so much. i'm a fucking
nut.

took my last vicodin and valium and passed out for 9 of the 10 hours
of the flight. well done. thank you, you evil pharmaceutical
conglomerates for making my life better.

it's all about comfort.

jessie picked us up from the airport at the worst time to pick someone
up; right around rush hour. she was waiting at the domestic terminal
so i abandoned victor to find her and nearly broke down again when i saw her.
who knows why she's with me?

i've got all of these feelings about being "over" and discarded and
without use now. i feel like the time where i have something to offer
the world is past and now i'm just waiting for this all to end. i've
done a funny show that's inconsequential which has some clever writing
and cute performances in it. other than that. who fucking cares? my
teachers were right: lots of potential but will never amount to
anything.

i have a lovely wife. man, she's wonderful. and, fuck, she picks me up
from the airport at rush hour. that, my friends, is love. that's the
important stuff. i know that's the important stuff, but the superfical
showbiz crap breaks my heart.

i think this is what they call post festival depression.

los endos - dean

mister snickers — Tue, 30 Aug 2005 16:07:00 +0000

so that's that.

victor and i are sitting in a pub next to georgia & pete's place.
we're out of our flat on west preston st. it's such a sad thing;
leaving. it makes me think of when i was a kid and leaving santa
barbara at the end of the summer to go back and live in oklahoma...
leaving the fantasy to go back to the reality.

speaking of that... and this is way too perfect, but it happened.

after cleaning my room and packing and putting everything out in to
the hallway, i went to sit on my bed and look out the open window to
the beautiful day that is today. i was feeling heavy and sad with the
realization that the festival is over and all that tension and
pressure and excitement is now gone from the city.

a truck pulled around the corner, parked and turned on its flashers. i
guess there's a company here called "reality" because that's what it
said on the back of the truck: Reality.

Too perfect.

Irregardless. We head home tomorrow morning.

Last night we went to see topping y butch. They're an extremely gay
cabaret act. one young, hunky guy in red leather and an older guy in a
matching red leather skirt and vest. nuts. they sing gay songs and do
campy stuff. i did the comic discipline show with them. they're,
appropriately, very sweet and it was a nice time.

headed off to the gb to check out the closing party there.

They'd closed off the entire building except for the back entrance
(hello!) to the phat cave. Everyone who'd worked there was there so I
went in and said goodbyes. Ran into mickey d who told a horrific story
about him and his flatmate shrooming and falling down in a bathroom.
pretty gross but wildly funny.

headed over to the pleasance. the bbc radio was doing a "60 comics in
60 minutes" shoe and paul byrne grabbed me "they've only got 59, can
you do one minute on stage?!?"

of course.

so i made my fringe stand-up debut on the final day of the festival.
my "act" was "re-enacting" the posters that everyone had seen for the
last month. seemed to go over pretty good and everyone got the posters
right.

burnsy was "backstage". he seems to have had a psychotic break of some
sort. really weird.

he looked all fucked up with his shaved head, soreness for some
reason unbeknownst to me and what seemed to be major drunkeness... his voice is
gone and he's lurching around like a crazy monkey. he walked up to me
and slapped me on my balls. hard. i reflexively elbowed him in his
balls. he lurched backwards and fell over some shit. he looked way
surprised that i'd hit back. way surprised.

i felt bad, which i think was what he was going for.

"why did you do that,mate?"

"if you hit me in the balls, i'm going to hit you in the balls...
that's how it works. it's reflex."

then he sorta kinda apologized and i apologized, too. he showed me his
fucked up shaved head and told me that they were going to shave it
correctly on stage with a razor and shaving cream.

after i did my bit, i headed back down to leave and saw andrew
maxwell. he was going up to the bbc thing to do five minutes.

i went up to watch after realizing i needed to see someone do
something great, so i went up.

andrew maxwell was on stage. burnsy was laying on the stage with a few
people around him, covering his head with shaving cream. Maxwell said
something about a snowman on mushrooms and it all made sense.

weird. weird. not fun.

Today was a flurry of activity getting the flat straightened and
cleaned. We said our goodbyes to Tom, who rode off like a crazy man on
his bike towards Germany. Then we loaded our bazillions of bags in to
a cab and headed to Georgia and Pete's flat. They're nice enough to
let us crash for our "extra day" here.

There's free wireless internet in this pub. Very cool. I've sent an
email to my bride aksing her to pick us up.

Oh... once again... a snafu...

I made it very clear that my posters should not be thrown away again
this year. So they kept them at the office for me to pick up. Sunday,
Georgia showed us our press packs. Edcom was cool enough to keep
folders of all of our clippings as was the Gilded Balloon.

Georgia thought I was going to swing by and pick up my posters. I
thought she was going to pick them up and have them at the flat. So.
She left our press packs with the posters.

They've been thrown away. Balls.

Oh. I've come up with something very cool to do for the 4 shows in
L.A. Very cool. So if you're reading this and plan on coming to any of
the big shoes in L.A. please bring something very cool to put in the
DHL box.

Walking around. it's so different. i'm at a horrible internet cafe
near princess street. expensive and touristy. blech. hoping jessie
hops on to aim so i can say hi.

i'm so ready to go. by this time tomorrow, we'll have just taken off
and will either be on our way home or plunging into the sea.

hello, tsa. eat me.

so much - dean

mister snickers — Mon, 29 Aug 2005 17:10:00 +0000

so much has happened and i've been actually involved so i haven't
written about it as i'd hoped to. i'll try to catch it all, but i'm
sure i've forgotten some stuff...

a few days ago, provenz' arrived from London. Burnsy wanted to meet
him at the airport with a bunch of folks wearing the "slutty nun"
outfits he wears in his shoe.

i met up with burnsy, paul, misha at their flat. he made some egss
(quite good!) and we putzed around utnil they all got dressed in their
slutty nun outfits. he'd hired a bus to take us to the airport. we
picked up jamie godly on the royal mile and headed off.

the idea was to meet provenz' at the airport and film his reaction.

so we hung out in the airport while burnsy et. al acted loud and
obnoxious and drank a bit to prepare for the arrival of provenz'. i
kept having to tell burnsy to "quit directing". when you're the
subject of a doc, you don't want to be saying to the camera guy "get a
shot of this, mate!" and then act like the camera's not there. it's
sorta cancels out the entire idea...

long story short:

we waited for a long time as people got off the plane. at one point a
guy walked past me and said "he's right behind me" so i got the camera
ready and out walked ricky gervais and stephen merchant. pretty funny.
but still no paul provenza.

eventually he walked out and perfectly ignored the four people in
slutty nun outfits.

beautiful.

it's why provenz' is a genius. burnsy did what he could to get the
attention back to him but it failed, miserably. provenz' "won".
genius.

our last two shoes were just wonderful. great performances and big,
full houses. i don't think we ever officially sold the venue out,
though saturday's shoe was full. there were about 12 guests, so that
may have been it. yesterday there were also people in the balcony, but
not as many.

after the big shoe sunday, we gathered all of our crap and headed to
negociant's (that's how it's spelled.. with the apostrophe) for yummy
foodness. i bought lunch for me, victor, jen, emma & leon. would've
liked to have gotten leon something big and nice but i'm not wealthy
enough to go around buying ipods for people who are cool and great.

georgia has a packet of all of our press clippings and reviews. oh, we
got a truly shitty review in the metro. they really hated it and had
liked it last year. i think it was the same critic. man. 2 stars. that
sucked.

he may have been right.

there were so many things going on sunday night which was the final
night of the festival, that it was difficult to decide what to do.

provenz' had scored me a ticket to stewart lee's show. he is a
stand-up who wrote "jerry springer - the opera" which was on its way
to being a huge hit when christards began raising a fuss ending up in
stewart lee being charged with blasphemy. blasphemy. come on, people.

provenz' said it was a show that seemed to have been written just for me.

correctamundo.

stewart lee lays out all of these wonderful ideas out in the 1st half
of the show. he speaks sort of like a british steven wright and in
that wonderful style, he has this almost impish look on his face...
"cheeky" they call it here. but there's this weight behind it. the
weight one can only get after having received death threats from
idiots for the better part of a year.

the second half of the show is him gently scooping up the stuff he'd
lay out in the first half while telling a story which is truly
blasphemous as he felt that the stuff in jerry springer - the opera
wasn't really blasphemous and if people were going to take him to task
for blasphemy, he might as well really go for it.

then he ends it with this lovely "button" which is a perfect
illustration of his style. it's that extra little thing that you might
have thought of, but wasn't really funny until stewart lee points it
out.

and the blasphemy... well, i was in heaven.

so after that, i met up with leon as we were goign to put the
aristocrats performance on my apex media controller but there was some
confusion about the tape and camera. so, we didn't.

i found the worst piece of pizza in scotland and then met up with jen,
who couldn't find food, so we finally located one of the six bazillion
fish/chip places here.

a bit after midnight, we headed to spank! (you love it!) to watch the
final show. i snuck a few friends in and that was nice. it was a nice
final show. my favorite part was steve oram coming onstage as a hack
cockney comic telling the worst and most obvious jokes in the world.
the audience had no idea it was a character and were stunned in to
silence. beautiful. just beautiful.

they had a round robin where all of these other comics could stay on
until they audience wanted them off. pretty brutal. victor got up and
took his clothes off.

well done.

oh... right...

the night before, i went up on spank! (you love it!) for the naked 1
minute promo. now. my johnson is not a large one, but it's not a small
one, either. i think it's firmly (ha!) in the average sized johnson
area.

however... when one goes up on stage one's johnson shrinks a bit. so
i'm doing this promo, talking about the nigerian spam scam scam when i
look down and i see, sticking out from my crotch (which i had shaved
onstage the night before) the smallest little weiner i'd seen on me
since i was a kid. man, it was fucking embarassing. people actually
began yelling at me about my small cock. horrible. not only am i a big
fat pale pig now, my cock has shrivelled up to nothing. fuck.
humiliating.

so humiliating that the comic after me even made a joke about me. he
also said "that guy shaves so his little dick looks bigger...
pathetic". i had to leave.

i shudder when i think about it. fuck. horrible.

lesson learned: fluff before going on stage nekkid.

glen wool did a set the night before and he rules. he wasn't at this
festival but he came for the final weekend to do some standup at
various venues. i think he's so great. he's got this moron trucker
appearance but he's really insightful and darkly funny. he talks about
offensive insults and says that there are no words now, it's just
combinations of words and concepts... so he throws a few out and
finishes off with "you're the guilty orgasm of a rape victim".

geniuses walk among us, people.

i also went to see steve hughes again saturday night.

he is sooo good. just beautiful and wickedly insightful and funny.

after his shoe we were walking back to the library bar to meet up with
a bunch of people when he pulled out a joint. "you fancy a hit of
this?"

what the fuck? i smoked it. I figure if you're going to smoke pot for
the 1st time in 24 years, you want to smoke it with steve hughes. it
made me dizzy and i felt sorta woozy in my stomach, and then my mouth
dried up and then it all went away except for the dryness in my mouth.

so that's me. a few puffs off a joint after 24 years and i didn't go
schizo. (yet!)

irregardless...

i'm bouncing the chronology around, but too bad...

danny james was going to leave yesterday as he's been really sick with
some salmonella poisoning but stayed around last night to do a final
shoe. he left this morning and left a nice massage on my phone. he's a
great guy. i think i've made a good friend here. he's really talented
and has a really nice outlook on life and i like him a lot. i'll miss
him.

this morning (2pm) i began packing and cleaning. it's sad. it's really
sad. this happened last year, too. i got really sad about leaving and
heading back to the real world. the place where you have more
responsibility than doing one show a day for an hour. and then fill
the rest of the day talking about you and your show and seeing other
shows and comparing them to you and your show.

back to the real world. tonight is our final night in our flat.
tomorrow we're sleeping at georgia and pete's and then we leave wed.
at 9am.

i miss jessie so much i ache. this is the lonely ache. man. i just
need to sit with her and hold hands and have her head on my chest.
it's so fascinating how humans find other people. i'm so lucky to have
her in my life. i hope she doesn't figure out what a dork i am anytime
soon.

i'm at beanscene. they've replaced the eddie murphy doctor doolittle
II with some b/w movie. dunno what it is, but it has to be better than
the doctor doolittle II movie. right? right.

i have one suitcase packed with all the crap i brought over and the
other one is just waiting for the final stuff for our journey home.

not sure what we'll do tomorrow, but it's nice having an "extra day".

i will actually miss this place this time. go figure. of course, the
weather is lovely again.

that's how they getcha!!

the bloody cunts!

so close it's close

mister snickers — Sat, 27 Aug 2005 19:48:00 +0000

fish came to the big shoe today.

loved it. hung out and had a chat afterwards and are supposed to hang in a bit.

huge day yesterday.

'crats screening in the a.m. then off to do the show, then met up with
mistress of comic discipline and her writer, hugh, to go over the
questions for her big shoe. she is someone who enjoys stressing out
for her shows. not so great to be creative with, but it seems to work
for her at least.

back to the flat briefly to grab cameras to tape burnsy with.

met up with him and the crew at the pleasance dome and taped his first shoe.

provenz' and jen split to pick up food for me as i headed to the
pleasance beyond with burnsy, et.al for his 2nd shoe.

madhouse with all of them freaking out. indulgent. freaky. weird.

smaller house than they would've liked, but welcome to the club.

show went quite long as burnsy was entertaining himself quite a bit!
so i had to split early to do the comic discipline shoe.

setting up was weird and annoying as mistress o does not trust anyone.
as i began to tape my questions to the podium, she said, you have to
tape those down so they can't be seen and i yelled at her "i just put
the paper down on the podium and will be taping it down very, very
soon, but i just put it down. okay?!" it was tense and annoying.

sorta like doing the show. if you're going to have your guests pretty
much write the show, you should be nice and respectful to them. really
nice and really respectful.

remembered that glen wool was doing phat cave, so i got there just in
time for the end of his set. he's doing spank! (you love it!) tonight
so that will be good...

everyone wants provenza. everyone. people are coming out of the
woodwork to be his buddy. ahhhh yes.

met back up with everyone at some theater, but was so tired that i went home.

it was a much longer day that i've described. so long that i can't
describe it. especially as i'd spent the previous day at the airport
and then at other shows. nuts.

did edcom showcase again this morning with victor. went great. sean
collins was really funny as was carey marx and eddie naesans.

our shoe today was nearly full. finally. balcony was lined with peeps
and the floor area seemed completely packed.

burnsy and fish were there as was provenz. really, really, really cool
fo burnsy to finally come see the big shoe.

there was a minute where no one knew where danny james' camera (which
i borrowed last night) was. it's found now.

that is all. must go off into the big final saturday night of the
festival and get shitfaced on diet coke and laughter!!!

the aristocrats - dean

mister snickers — Thu, 25 Aug 2005 19:37:00 +0000

victor's mom: do not read this. not only will you scratch your name
off his birth certificate. you will burn it and then disown him.

everyone else: this is pretty graphic and sick. be advised.

so there is a thing called "the naked comedy showcase" at the fringe.
it's a one time thing and, well, leon, victor and i thought it would
be a fine place to perform "the aristocrats".

if you haven't heard of the aristocrats, it's a joke that is the
subject of a documentary directed by paul provenza, my director and
produced by him and penn jillette, another friend of mine and one of
the first to "get" spamscam.

there's lots of info around on it now and i'm too lazy to say much
more about it as I'VE GOT A LOT TO WRITE...

Leon enlisted a female brit comic, Joyce (or something... not sure
what her name was, even though i did act like i ass fisted her... very
70's NYC disco bathroom, but i digress).

the naked comedy showcase was exactly that, a showcase where you could
do comedy naked. we closed the night after a naked chick clown and
three naked stand-ups. they were all fine; the clown was pretty
awesome. she did yoga.

the stage was one of the cave venues. it's a venue in a... well, cave.
it looks like something out of pirates of the carribean or... pirats
of scotland. cave in a castle. there was a little "wing" sort of thing
where i hid "supplies" for the act.

leon, victor and i got up, naked, to talk about an act we'd all seen
at a little pub off the royal mile that has been overlooked by the
press and punters and, most importantly, the perrier judges at the
fringe this year.

we said we'd try to recreate their act, but this was something that
the father had explained in his broken english... maybe he was
hungarian or something... had been handed down through their family
for years and years...

it began with the father covering the stage with big plastic garbage
bags; bin liners as you heard this sweet lilting hungarian lullabye
being sung by a daughter at the back of the pub. joyce began singing
bullshit hungarian lullabye in the back as i lay out the trash bags.

we then sang a bit of "doe, a deer, a female deer.." while doing a
soft-shoe. then a bit more of the hungarian lullabye.

then i came back on stage with a pink garter belt that jessie and i
had gotten from the comic discipline show (i'm doing it tomorrow
night, by the way) and said

"...then the father and two brothers tied each other off with a pink
garter belt and began shooting each otehr up with heroin as you heard
this child's beautiful voice... we thought that was odd and then the
father brought out this electric razor and began shaving his pubic
hair off..."

i did exactly that. there was a woman in the third row who covered her
eyes in absolute and pure shock.

then we started playing with our cocks as our narration continued:

"...the guys tried to get their cocks hard, but couldn't because of
the heroin..."

we turned around and acted like we were jerking each other off.

"...they even tried jerking each other off, but that didn't work, so
they all lay down in a triangle and began trying to suck each other to
get hard... "

we were. we were in a triangle on the ground, miming sucking each
other. victor's "isaac" was quite close to my mouth and if i was as
cool as i think i am, i would've put it in my mouth, but i'm not that
cool. ah well.

the crowd, however, seemed to believe we were actually sucking each other off.

"...this didn't work either, so the inexplicably black brother begin
pissing in the other two brother's mouths..."

victor grabbed a squirt bottle full of lemonade from the wings and
hosed me and leon down with it, his back to the audience. that sorta
sucked as the lemonade was fucking cold. it was the worst thing about
being an aristocrat...

i then moved to the wings and scooped up a handful of vanilla custard...

"...this caused the father to finally get hard and he jerked off and
shot his load all over the other two guys..."

i flicked the custard all over them and smeared it on my cock in a way
that made it sorta kinda look like i was actually jerking off and
shooting my manchowder all over them. i really wanted to get hard, but
it is very difficult with an audience.

"...they all began eating the father's jizz..."

we ate custard from my hand and they'd scoop it off their chests and eat it.

"...at this point the daughter entered the stage..."

joyce had smeared chocolate nutella down inside of her ass cheeks and
down her legs. it looked really fucking disgusting

"...she had just reached puberty and was havign her first period and
pulled a tampon out of her cunt..."

joyce did a bit of slieight of hand and held up a french fry covered in ketchup

"... which she ate..."

she took a bite, as did leon, victor and myself

"..and shared with her brothers and father..."

then we did some sort of magical presentation type moves in front of her cunt...

"... the daughter then pulled a rabbit out of her cunt which she
squeezed until it shit in the fathers' hand..."

i then dropped chocolate covered raisins into our mouths...

"...then they began fucking... everyone fucked everyone..."

i "mounted" joyce.who was on her knees, from behind as victor and leon
waved their cocks near her face and simulated sex with each other as
well.

"...then the brother shit on the floor..."

leon magically dropped a snickers bar from his ass

"...and he and the sister shared it..."

they each put half in their mouth on their knees as i slapped my cock
on the middle of it.

"...this gave them diarhea..."

i snuck a handful of chocolate nutella...

"...and the father fisted the daughter's ass and pulled out more shit
which they all then ate and smeared over themselves and each other..."

the audience was screaming with delight and horror at this point. i
wondered about all my training at the loft and my relationship with my
mother.

"...then they made little moustaches with the shit and began singing
la bamba..."

we did and danced a bit

"...then they smeared the shit on their faces like blackface... except
for the black brother who made his lips white with cum..."

leon, joyce, and i rubbed the nutella on our faces... not a lot,
though, because we're pussies and clean-up was going to be a bitch...

"...and they sang a little minstrel act like al jolson.."

we sang 'mammy...how i love ya how i love ya...' then i went back and
got the bottle of lemonade

"...then they took turns pissing on the daughter..."

i went first, and as leon and victor finished off the bottle, i filled
my mouth with cream corn and chicken soup...

"...and the father, who had been kicked several times in the stomach
and pissed and shit on then finished it all off by vomiting in the
middle of the stage..."

i did so.. .very graphically with sounds, etc.

we then got to our knees and spread our hands and sang "ta daaaaa".

the naked MC walked up and said

"you told us where the act was playing, but you didn't say what it was
called..."

and we all said "THE ARISTOCRATS" whilst snapping a 'crat. (the
gesture drew carey uses when he tells the joke in the movie)

the place went nuts and we then went to the rear of the venue to clean
up (leon had brought paper towels and baby wipes... it was fun wiping
shit off of each other) as people filed out congratulating us.

a woman with a crucifix who watched most of it through her fingers
aksed me and victor for a flier.

i should point out here, by the way, that i had the smallest cock of
the three of us and my man boobs are just a bit smaller than joyce's
real female breatages... i am a big fat fuck.

it was videotaped. it is now referred to as "the career ending tape".

the naked comedy showcase ended at 9:20. I sped over to do danny
james' show with rhys dharby until 10:30. I met up with karen o and
her writer, hugh, from the comic discipline show and walked over to
the pleasance courtyard and talked with them about doing their big
shoe friday night. by about 11:30 i headed to the gilded balloon to
get some chicken samosas and a soda. i sat and chatted with mickey d
for a bit about our performance. he seemed impressed.

i then wandered down to spank! (you love it!). saw victor, jen f-hall
and cindy. victor leaned in "it's already a legend, sir".

snap!

home stretch - dean

mister snickers — Wed, 24 Aug 2005 13:38:00 +0000

Our little questionaire thingy we filled out when we arrived was
published. Spontaneous publicity...

http://www.threeweeks.co.uk/detail_edaily.asp?id=1863

three weeks also gave us a good review, yet it sorta seems that they
didn't really watch the show. it might've been a hangover assignment.
hmm. ah well. we got 4 stars and that's all anyone really gives a fuck
about anyway, right?

right!

it's not online yet, but i'll post it when it is. believe you me!!!

had a lovely conversation with jessie yesterday. she's back from
france and is glad to be home. she raised a good point. why is the guy
running an ice cream cart on the street throwing 'tude around? he's
running a fucking ice cream cart on the street.

important to think about.

did a radio interview about the aristocrats yesterday. that's the kind
of celeb muscle i have over here. then i sat in on burnsy's interview
and we chummed around. he made the guy put his mike down and told part
of his version of the joke.

holy shit.

sat with burnsy for a bit and chatted. he's getting lots of attention
this year and he's remaining cool about it and is aware that he could
freak out. it's fun to watch.

jen hall, who is a hero, came to the big shoe yesterday. we had a good
one. i'm feeling great, victor is sick. so is cindy. she travelled
across the sea to get sick. better you than me, i always say. but it
is a total drag. being sick sucks anyway and shelling out a pantsload
of money and taking time off work to get sick is really rotten.

so we had a good shoe and a fine audience. we're going to break even
at least, they tell me and that's important.

after our shoe, i walked jen and myself in to see michael mee's show.
i didn't care much for the performance, but i did like the writing a
lot. jen enjoyed it immenseley.

i had my "artists's meeting" at edcom which seems silly and pointless
and discovered that we have to be out of the flat on the 30th. we're
not leaving until the 31st, so that will be interesting. hmmm.

i went home and crashed as i'm now doing and then headed to burnsy's
show to pass out fliers. he's nice enough to pimp our shoe at the end
of his. very cool.

got a chicken sandwich, called jen and we headed over to blaha's apt.
for a get together. it was us, the cast of billy the kid and the
pajama men. very nice. had a nice long chat with jen. we took some
photos and then i got sleepy and headed home. i stopped off at the
library bar and chatted with danny james and others. ran in to daniel
packard. i talked to him in an attempt to clear the air at the cock-up
the other day and he was a prick about it. so:

fuck you daniel packard. i had nothing to do with you not having a
place to stay here. eat me.

on the way out, found the three weeks daily wot had our hangover 4
star review and frantically texted people about it. woohoo...

maybe we'll stay with daniel packard on the 30th.

6 shows/9 days - victor

Victor Isaac — Mon, 22 Aug 2005 19:59:00 +0000

Only 6 shows left, but 9 days until we actually go home. Cindy got here last Wednesday, which is GREAT!!! I then proceeded to get sick on Thursday, which sucks. I was trying to brave through it, but then Cindy got sick on Saturday. (Oh, for feck's sake!) So we've spent the last couple of days at the flat at night, trying to get better.

Cindy was supposed to go to Loch Lomand earlier today with one of my flat mates from last year and I was going to meet them in Glasgow for dinner. It was going to be fun. Instead Cindy stayed in bed because she couldn't sleep last night (which in effect means I couldn't sleep last night. if you have a girlfriend you know the speech I speak.), while I got up to go do "Pick of the Fringe" with Dean. After the showcase, I went back to the flat and work her up and she decided to come out because she was sick of the flat. I wanted her to see "Basic Training" a one man show by this guy I know, Kahlil, but he took the day off. So she came to see my show instead.

Afterwards, we went to see a show that happens after ours. I was mislead to believe it was a show about jazz, but it so wasn't and I was so disappointed. Cindy started doing yoga towards the end of the show, to make some use of the time.

Now I sit in the drawing room of the flat I stayed in last year trying to muster up the strength to go and do something, because sick or not, staying one more night at the flat feeling sick, is a shitty idea.

Maybe I'll take Cindy to see Steve Hughes tonight...oh wait, it's already too late for that.

Well, maybe we'll find something else to watch.

Maybe I'll try and drink this cold away.

Maybe, I'll catch pnemonia.

Maybe, I'll die.

Who cares, we'll be back in LA in 9 days. Hells yes!

This has been an offical message from The Skinny Black Man

7 shoes - dean

mister snickers — Sun, 21 Aug 2005 19:45:00 +0000

only a few more shoes to go, peeps.

the weather has been absolutely wonderful. i don't even take my
sweater with me until tonight... of course it's raining and chilly,
but the past two days have been breathtaking. sunny, enough wind to
make it tolerable... man, it's great weather. the rain is actually
welcome. the venues have no a/c in them. i don't think there's a/c
anywhere here because, well, it's raining and cold so much, so when
it's hot outside like this, they become sweltering furnaces inside.

ours has these black boards up against the windows and it retains the
heat and it's hot three feet away from the boards. as soon as i get
there, i open up the door to the fire escape (the only one in the
city, perhaps?) in hopes to cool it off a few degrees.

hot. hot. hot.

my friend, chuck eye, has notified me that the other two geiko v.o.
spots i did are now running on t.v., so that's great news.

coming here causes me to lose a month of v.o. auditions, so that
residual income is tres good.

missed a call by 5 minutes this morning from jessie telling me she was
heading back home. man, i miss her. it sorta seems that her being here
made it worse now that she's gone. plus, the fact that we're having a
just above average run, makes it tougher. last year at this time, we
were gathering a full head of steam and beginning to sell out.
granted, all of our crowds have been at least twice as big as last
year from the get go, but... you know, i'm an asshole who is never
satisfied...

"maybe i'm just like my mother... she's never satisfied"

thanks prince!!!

last night, i went and videotaped two of burnsy's shows. the first one
at his regular venue, the kingdome, and the second at one of his two
extra shows at the pleasance beyond. very cool. he had perrier in last
night and his shows are all sold out from here on. amazing.

it is such a wonderful show and it is so interesting and eductational
to watch him do the same stuff night after night and keep it fresh.

there's a guy there involved in taping who i knew from last year who
is, ostensibly, a socialist, but all he talks about with me are ticket
sales and audience sizes and money. very competitive, it seems, and it
is quite funny to me as i'm just happy for anyone who gets good
audiences. even though there is that dark part who wants everyone to
die. so. i don't know why this guy has a boner about my ticket sales.
he's a good guy and i'm glad his show is doing well.

irregardless...

today's shoe was nice. good house, the top wasn't as difficult as
usual and i played, A LOT, with stuff. Leon even noticed after the
show. he actually cracked me up during his bit.

the last two days i have a huge jug of water when i get up and on my
walk to bristo square. i stop at dreamcatcher for a muffin and coffee
(order white coffee... that's the secret, why didn't they tell that to
me last year... fuckers!) then head to the pleasance dome to use their
luxurious facilities. much more comfy than ours at the flat. sorry.
thought you should know.

anyway, that jug of water has been catching up with me the last two
performances. yesterday i actually considered wetting my pants just a
bit to take the pressure off and was so freaked out that i was going
to that i made a shambles of the "key speech".

What i need to do is wake up earlier. i'm getting up after noon. it's
soooo fucking self-indulgent and lazy.

Burnsy's plugging our shoe after his and i need to get up there to flier.

i know where to make cuts now and will be doing that after tomorrow's
shoe. i want to trim 3-5 pages. it is important. we're just a tad too
long. just a tad... so close.

tonight it's the "flatmate show" with danny james. we'll all be on and
that will be fun. i will miss them.

i look forward to missing them.

rock on.

hitching my wagon - dean

mister snickers — Sun, 21 Aug 2005 19:08:00 +0000

in the interest of using others' success to promote myself, i was
interviewed in the guardian about provenza's movie, the aristocrats,
and they actually used a couple of things i said:

http://tinyurl.com/atkd2

schadenfreude - dean

mister snickers — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 18:43:00 +0000

this makes me feel better. that's the kind of mood i'm in:

http://tinyurl.com/cahob

grumpy gus - dean

mister snickers — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 18:21:00 +0000

i'm feeling grumpy.

poop on everything.

i want to come home.

interview - dean

mister snickers — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 21:36:00 +0000

did an interview with a very cool guy named ewan for a podcast here:

http://tinyurl.com/8jply

http://edinburghfringe.thepodcastnetwork.com/category/podcast/

it should show up monday or so.

more about yesterday - dean

mister snickers — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 21:31:00 +0000

so, that's pretty fucking cool about fish. it would be great if they
came to the big shoe.

I didn't get home until nearly 4am, which is pretty standard for most
people here, but it is, perhaps, a new record for me. That is fucking
late, people.

I knew that I'd be able to sleep in today and i most certainly did. I
slept until nearly chinese dentist time. Went to dreamcatcher to check
email quickly and got to the venue just in time for the kids' shoe to
be letting out.

one of the guys in the kids' shoe is going to the venue in kuala
lumpur where we're going in july and says it actually exists and we're
not going to be murdered in a field near the airport. so, that's cool.

did i mention that? we got an offer to do spamscam at a theater in
kuala lumpur for two weeks in july. pretty good money and, well, it'll
be in malaysia. you can buy pirated photoshop for 20 bucks.

it was so beautiful today. hot, hot, hot and sunny. absolutely
perfect. maybe even too hot. Inside our venue it was boiling.
uninhabitable. i don't know how people do it.

opened the door, the vents... anything i could do to cool the room
off. it was still really hot.

Realized that i'd left my digital camera at dreamcatcher. anil was
nice enough to head off to retrieve it. i'm amazed at how sweet people
are here.

show began and the intro went well, i'm not using the mike for the
intro, it seems better to do that... seems less like a presentation
and more intimate somehow... dunno..

i get over to my machine to say "great, do you have any toast!?" and
my key light goes on and then POP. it goes out. we're in darkness... i
say softly... "uh-oh" and then colin managed to find a light that lit
me up and we had one of the best shows we've had in a while.

during the show, we could hear it shitting down rain. i mean rain like
it was the end of the world. i couldn't believe it. today was the
first day that i haven't brought a sweater and was dreading walking
home in the pissing rain. fortunately, this is scotland, so when we
were finished with the show, the sky was clear again as if it had
never happened.

a friend of hot rod's from the u.s., craig smetko, turned up after the show.

chatted with him afterwards and recommended some shows. he's going to
be here for a while, so i hope to hang with him more.

went in to the press office and saw that khalil is getting a fringe
first. it's soooo funny. i got an email from him many months ago where
he aksed about coming here and i told him not to do it. he's been
getting 5 star reviews, doing sell-out shows and now he's gotten this
award. remember: do not ever listen to my advice. or just do the
opposite.

pajama men also got a 5 star in the scotsman.

the bitter, horrible actor part of me get so jealous of that stuff. i
hate that part of me. it just sucks. the part of me who lived with
eric and tony as their careers were taking off, on the other hand,
knows that it has nothing to do with me and my show. their reviews
aren't taking any stars or words of praise from mine.

there's a part of me who is whispering in my ear "you suck, you and
your show is stupid fluff" and it's all i hear sometimes.

blech.

but... it's very awesome for them as they deserve it. they're truly
great shows. they should be noticed.

there's room for everyone.

only 9 more shows. then two days off. then home.

then what?

9 more shoes - dean

mister snickers — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 20:53:00 +0000

So close, yet so far...

Man, it really seems like it will never end. My knees and back have
given out. I'm walking like an old man. Really painful. I have some
vicodin but I'm scared of shredding my liver and addiction. Ouch.

Yesterday, I dragged my lazy ass out of bed to get to Steven Berkoff's
show "shakespeare's villains".

As I expected, he is a big ham. Man, he sure does know "the text" as
we like to refer to it, but he acts it like no one would ever act it.
Howard Fine would stop him after sentence one. Indicating, showing
off, everything one does with shakespeare when you've been doing it
and you're doign a one person show about shakespeare's villains people
pay to see.

But... I sure did enjoy his lecture stuff about it, though. I
loooooove hearing people who know what they're talkign about talk
about stuff. You know, he wrote an entire book about playing Hamlet
and, well, he's doing a show about Shakespeare's villains, so... yeah.
I'm glad I went, it's good to get away from all the
cuntcuntcuntcuntfuckfuckfuckbollocksbollocksfuckfuck of the festival
and see soemone ham through Iago.

Also, and this is how one would begin the parody show, he came out
sorta yelling at the tech staff because some fans were on. "David,
would you PLEAAAAASEEEE turn the effing fans off!" Saying "effing" is
so funny.

Irregardless, it was nice. Plus, the building was absolutely lovely.
It was at the Assembly venue up on the hill and as you walk up the
steps, it is built in a way that another building shoots up behind the
venue. Stunning. Plus the sky and sun... man, it's pretty over here.

Grabbed some food and internet and went off to do our show. The venue
is soooo hot. Jesus. There is a kid's show before us, James Campbell's
Onomatopea Society and it's a big whomping hit, so there are 100
sweaty and excited kids in there heating the room up. We get in and
open the doors and try to air it out, but it is sweltering. Sometimes
I feel as if i'm going to pass out. Man.

The show was another average one. I'm trying to change stuff that I do
to keep it fresh and maybe find some surprises. dunno. Sometimes I
feel like I'm done with it; that we should never do it again. Then,
after the show, i see how much people like it and i change my mind.
I'm insane.

Hiked back over the hill to the Assembly Rooms to see Will Smith (no)
- Misplaced Childhood.

He's created a character who grew up rich and was a huge, geeky,
marillion fan (there is no other kind of marillion fan). It's very
funny, the conceit being it's the 20th anniversary of the release of
Misplaced Childhood and he is revisiting the thing that marked his
childhood: his punishment for not bringing his outdoor p.e. clothes.

There are filmed segments with him and Fish, the former lead singer,
and they're pretty great. Fish is really fucking good. He should act
more. Seriously, he could be a great bad guy or corporate leader.
Really subtle and funny and charming.

Glad I saw it, and it was nice to see that there are other Marillion
fans lurking about.

As i was hiking back over the hill, the sun was nearly setting. The
castle was absolutely mesmerizing. I went in to the park and watched
the orange of the sun change the view of the castle every 10 seconds.
Words fail. Watching it was sooo odd. Thinking of history. Of our
short times. Castles. Things built for royalty. This festival. People
trying to better their station. The struggle. The wars. The defeats.
Love. Death... all that stuff one thinks of when watching sunsets and
castles.

Met up with Paul Byrne and Brendon Burns. Burnsy is doing two shows in
a larger venue and it's a sort of culmination of his shroom thing from
glastonbury and they're documenting it via video. I have a video
camera, albeit a crappy consumer camera, and have been enlisted to
ass-ist.

Met Luke, his delighful son who he talks about in his shoe and I shot
them working on getting lighting cues, etc. just right. It's funny how
some people "act natural" when they're being filmed. Sweet.

Was about to head home when I realized it was the night we buy drinks
for the fliering staff. I headed to the pleasance dome and chatted
with the fliering staff. What a tough gig. Better them than me.

Then i walked georgia and becky in to spank! (you love it!). It was so
hot. This is how hot it was. Ready? When we got in the room, my
glasses fogged up. I mean not a little... but they fucking fogged all
the way up. It was horrific.

Stewart Lee, one of the co-authors of jerry springer, the opera, was
doign a set. I must see him. He seems like an actual genius. When his
set was over, becky and georgia headed off and I found myself in the
library bar at the gilded balloon.

I'm sitting with steve hughes when I see Fish. Holy shit.

then I see will smith (no).

okay... what to do.. I walk up to will smith, to introduce myself when
he sees me.

"hey, you're dean cameron. you were at my show tonight!"

i was quite stunned

"i met you last year when i saw your show. It's brilliant, i want to
come see it again!"

how cool is that? So i tell will smith that i'm one of the few
american marillion fans and he points at fish who is standing by the
bar chatting with a couple of ladies (of course). I say "I know... I
saw him.. maybe you'lll...." and before i can finish the sentence, he
drags me over to Fish.

"Fish, this is dean cameron, he's doign a brilliant show here and...
well, tell him what you told me, dean..."

I tell Fish that i'm an american marillion fan and I saw them do
misplaced childhood at the roxy and then saw them at the palace and a
shitty theater in riverside on the clutching at straws tour. then i
told him how great i thought he was in the video segments of will
smith's show.

He brightened up at the compliments and the fact that i was an american fan.

"we must see your show, then!"

Will smith explained a bit about the show and fish gave me his card
and wrote his phone number. Then he said soem stuff in scottish that I
ddidn't understand.

So i wrote him an email last night, reminding him who i was and about
the show and got an email back from him. He's going to try and come
back next week and if he does, he'll see the show.

That is so fucking cool.

the really cool thing was seeing an email from "Fish" in my inbox.

Who knew?

They're now kicking me out of the internet cafe.

More later.

where am i? - dean

mister snickers — Wed, 17 Aug 2005 21:39:00 +0000

what day is it? where am i? what am i doing? what time is it? are we there
yet? did we win? who am i? how did the show go? what year is it? what is my
name? who are you? what country is this? why are you here? hi.

I am firmly in the "what the fucking fuck was I fucking thinking" period of
the month. I'd like to go home tomorrow, please. Or do another show. Oh
right. I'll be doign another show.

A little over a month before the festival, Jon, our producer, emailed me
asking if a guy could sleep on our couch in Scotland for a few days. I wrote
back saying "Sure, if it's okay with everyone else..." and promptly forgot
about it.

So this morning, well... about 1pm, I slept in because I'm in the middle of
some sort of really, really, really intense depression, Kirsty called to
tell me that "my friend" is coming in tonight and to make sure that I'm at
the flat to let him in.

What?

This is what we call a cock-up. No one else had heard about this and Victor
and Danny have their girlfriends here so another person would bring the
total to 7 people in the flat. Apparently no one else was aksed or told
about it and it was presented as my responsibility and that the guy is my
friend. Um. No.

Long story short: it's all taken care of and the guy is staying somewhere
else. Man. The idea of that really sucked the balls off the rhino.

Last night I saw Eddie Naessan's "Little Terror". Stand-up by an Irish actor
who gets a tiny lump behind his ear and now has half his face pretty much
paralyzed. Hey, you stupid hippes: Socialized medicine sucks. It is
horrifying. Fucking horrifying. Useless. Fine for checkups. But if you have
something seriously wrong with you, you're fucked. He didn't go under the
knife for something like 3 years. "could be anything... it seems okay...
come back in 6 months..." motherfuckers.

He has a great section about "spiritual" people. Paraphrasing here... they
still believe all the bullshit but they're too lazy to get up sunday
mornings to go to church.

The guy has a wonderful style and is so inexplicably nice about it all... I
got teary during a bit of it. It would be good if more people saw it. I feel
so proud of many things about America. Sorry. I just do.

We are not getting as many people in to the show as we would like and it's a
bit daunting. It's hovering around 50-60, which is fine, but it's not so
great for the size of that room. Plus, the beginning is always weird. It
feels like have to drag them in a basket to get them with us. Dunno.
Annoying. Need to be having fun and it's not fun until the middle of the
show. Weird.

After the big shoe today I went to the Assembly rooms and bought tickets for
tomorrow for Steven Berkoff's show about Shakespeare's villains. I think it
might be a bit sucky and pretentious, but then again, what the fuck? But,
he's got that cool thing on his forehead.

I'm also going to see a show called Misplaced Childhood. I'm looking forward
to this. It's a show by a guy named Will Smith (no) about the influence of
the album Misplaced Childhood by Marillion. Saw the write-up and posters and
was very excited. Turns out there is talk that this is the big Perrier show
this year.

It's a British comedian named Will Smith doing a show about a prog-rock
concept album released in 1985 by a band no one's ever really heard of.
Let's see you try to cross the Atlantic with this one, sir...

Today, I saw Jerry Sadowitz' close-up magic show at the Assembly Rooms. I
sat next to a big fat british guy with halitosis. That was lovely.
Fortunatly Jerry Sadowitz rules. He's Jamy Ian Swiss on crystal meth. He
gets in your face with totally racist jokes and insults everyone and anyone
and then kills, kills, kills with his magic. Deceptively basic stuff,
cups/balls, cards, etc. but motherfuck... the guy is lethal.

Heard some people in line talking about going to Las Vegas and seeing Penn y
Teller and that was cool.

Now I'm at Beanscene enjoying the warm evening air and wondering if we'll
ever finish.

To avoid the poor kids flyering, I always have my iPod on. I have an
extraordinary amount of genesis on it. I didn't realize I had that much
Genesis. Hmmm. It's sort of lovely walking around this part of the world
listening to old Genesis.

Plus, I keep it on shuffle, so I'll go from Supper's Ready to a nerf herder
song. (I also have an extraordinary amount of nerf herder)

Having a lovely time. Wish you were here... instead of me.

a day - dean

mister snickers — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 18:09:00 +0000

i was invited to play cricket today. what the fuck? why wouldn't i
give it a shot?

I began the day by dropping my laundry off at a fluff/fold type place.
the flat has a washer. no dryer. i guess that's common. that sure
doesn't make sense. perhaps it shall be 'splained to me.

walked 2.5 miles past leith to the cricket field. it was a lovely walk
made nicer by the fact that it was just around noon and the weather
was a delight. google maps was perfect with all the turns and that, my
friends, is fucking amazing.

cricket. as a batter, you have to protect the wicket from being hit by
the ball. as a member of the other team, you're trying to hit the
wicket with the ball and knock the two little things off the top.

that's the game. well, as much as baseball is hitting the ball and
running around the bases to get to home plate. everyone has their
stupid games and baseball and cricket are just as stupid as each
other. it's a game. what the fuck, right?

it was "aussies against england". I was, of course, put on the aussie
team. mickey d., a comic here who organazized the match, is such a
sweet guy. i think i'm going to his shoe tonight, by the way.

so, i'm on their team. they put me in the position you'd put the
american who's never played cricket, right?

there are no gloves. except for the "catcher". and that little fucking
ball is hard. that is one hard little ball. christ.

it was like softball. long stretches of nothing followed by brief
flurries of activities. some of the guys were REALLY serious about it
and others were there to have fun. Leon was on the English team, of
course.

The guy from Irishman, Scotsman & Englishman (i don't remember the
exact title, but it was a week before i realised he all three guys on
the poster and that, apparently, isn't rare..) got up to "bowl" after
several others had. you trade off, i think. or at least we were. on
his first bowl, he hit the wicket. instant hero. we'd made one other
out. kieran, who was a flatmate last year, made an astounding play,
also, by tossing the ball behind him without seeing and hitting the
wicket. it was, well, wicked.

i had to get going but they decided it would be fun to have the american bowl.

once i got the hang of throwing a ball with a straight arm, i did
okay. not too many hits.

then. i got a wicket. i hit it right in the center. hero. i got a
wicket. apparently, i rule.

then i caught a taxi, where i found someone's phone. i called the last
number and it was the guy's daughter. i ended up leaving the phone at
the box office.

went to do the show. wished we hadn't. just lackluster show. quiet
audience. started off poorly. we had to work a lot. to our credit, we
didn't give up, but it was just a tough fucking show. i'm sure we're
doing something wrong. or not. maybe we're just spoiled. i mean,
afterwards, people are all smiles and chatty and they drop shit in the
box and are very happy. but it sure was quiet.

who knows? 12 more shows. that's what i do know. that's a lot. that's
fun. that is a pantsload of shows. if you're doing a play in l.a.,
that's nearly a full run.

after last night's shower i have proclaimed that i am now officially a
big fat fuck. it's so annoying. i have a big fat gut and i'm saggy
everywhere.

it's so depressing.

can't stop eating crap. blech.

hi. i'm a big, fat, fuck.

saw jeremy lyon's shoe yesterday. holy shit. i remember from last year
seeing it and feeling so dirty afterwards. it's very similar this
time. you just feel sick. it's so very artaud. man, it's gleeful
ugliness. that character could be so pat and obvious, but he makes it
soooo damned good. man.

went to andrew maxwell's shoe at 8. they tell me he hit big this year
on a tv show. he is so comfortable on stage. so solid and present.
learned about not letting phones and people going to the bathroom bug
me. he has something to do, so bullshit like a phone isn't going to
interrupt it.

he does do a great thing with sound, though. the trachtenbergs are
above him and they had some words because the sound was too loud. they
had been keepign it down, but the volume has raised over the past few
days, so whenever they'reheard in maxwell's venue, he has the sound
guy play this loud explosion to fuck wtih the trachtenbergs. really
funny. cheap. but funny.

so anyway... he is great with wonderful insights about the world.
there's some lefty stuff that bugs me and some of the info is wrong.
but it works okay and didn't ruin the show for me.

hung out with him and some other folks afterwards and that was nice.
he told stories about an old timer here in the u.k. and that was
wonderful.

today, i did a guy from the observer talked to me about the
aristocrats and i tried to sound intelligent. we shall see. there is,
as there should be, quite a bit of excitement about it.

very fucking cool.

i wish our show went better today. i'd feel happier.

at least the weather is warm.

rock on.

bad one - dean

mister snickers — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 10:53:00 +0000

from the hairline.co.uk review: "amateurish at best"

yes!